For the first time in my 30+ year history as a psychologist I am calling for parents to teach there kids to manage the culture. Two aspects of culture management that must be considered:
First, our modern culture is so intrusive that it is overwhelming to our young people. Cell phones, text messaging, the Internet, movies, the lyrics of songs, television, even billboards and advertising have proliferated to a point where much of the time we’re not even aware of how much we are being communicated with and in what ways. The messages are omnipresent and insidious. Even though you can’t tell me the number of billboards you passed today on your way home or the number of emails that you had to respond to all of this does effect you. And these influences effect our kids too. Is it any wonder that the diagnosis of attention deficit disorder has increased as has the number of prescriptions written for such conditions? We’re simply overwhelmed with conscious and unconscious stimulation.
Second, many of the messages are toxic. More than ever before woman are presented in this culture as sexual beings. If you doubt this look at magazine covers, popular television shows and the movies. Lots of skin. Marriage is presented as optional and making a commitment to a child before one has a commitment to a spouse is viewed as acceptable, may be preferable. And most cultural messages suggest that you are the center of the universe. The message is “whatever you want you can have.” But just because we can does that mean we should?
Oh there are plenty of positive cultural messages too. We live in a great country at a great time in history and there are so many opportunities for us and our kids. But the indiscriminate intrusion of the culture has consequences.
So how do we help our teens? First, in dealing with the problem of intrusiveness and volume we teach them how to set limits and the benefit of having limits. There is a price to pay for constant bombardment and there is payoff to having time that is not interrupted. Show them how to turn off the electronic devices and build relationships. Show them the value of an inner life rather then being a slave to the senses and outer stimulation. Show them the satisfaction of managing life and it’s demands rather than being enslaved to them.
And with regard to the toxicity of the culture teach them how to discriminate. What messages are positive and uplifting and contributing to their well-being and which are derogatory and potentially limiting? Teach them that all actions and messages have consequences and help them to understand what those consequences might be. Teach them to pay attention to the “wee small voice” that is disquieted by certain influences. Help them respond to that same “wee small voice” that resonates with other influences and messages.
Finally, notice that I have encouraged you to teach them. The impulse of parents is to do this for their kids. Using restrictions and monitoring content works with younger kids but we need to teach our older kids, our teens, how to manage themselves. We cannot be with them all the time and so they have to manage the culture. And we most certainly won’t be making their decisions in adulthood and if they don’t learn this now they won’t know it then.
Make sure the culture doesn’t own you and make sure your kids know how to keep it from taking up residence in their head. They need to manage the culture before it manages them. We need to manage the culture before it manages us.
